by Dr. Steven Farmer
I'm not reclusive, but I do enjoy solitude from time to time, although I've also realized the tremendous importance and value of community. Not just Internet communication, but real live people-family and friends, and those whom I've met along the road while teaching-come to mind when I think of deep communal connections. It starts with my kids, their children, parents, nephews, nieces, cousins, and others in my extended family. Then there's my family of friends, some of whom I've known for many years. Among them are elders, peers, children, and teenagers. I feel truly blessed and privileged to know those I love and to also know that they love me.
At one point when I was writing this book, deadline looming, my adult niece Debbie called to see if I wanted to go to the beach with her and her daughters. At the time, I was completely focused on writing and had been glued to my computer for much of the past few days. When the call came, I had some initial reluctance, thinking that I should be working on the book. However, I'd developed an even stronger bond with each of Debbie's girls-Jordan, 12; Sydney, 8; and Paris, 6-since their mother and father had split up several months prior.
I said yes, and we spent a couple of hours together at the beach and then went to dinner afterward. Needless to say, I didn't get much writing done, but I thoroughly enjoyed the time I had with them. Later that evening the thought occurred to me that on my deathbed, it's very unlikely that I'd be saying, "Gee, I wish I'd spent that day writing rather than hanging out with Debbie and her girls!" I knew I'd made the right choice and also felt a pleasant sense that by being an uncle to them, particularly the children, I supplied something they needed.
In another instance several years ago, when I was emotionally and spiritually in one of those valleys of grief and mild depression, I got this image in my head of being in a pit about 12 feet deep. It was a great metaphor for how I was feeling at the time-isolated, victimized, and with no way out! About a month later I was lying in bed on a Saturday morning, thinking about life, my situation, and just kind of ruminating about this and that. I closed my eyes and called up that image and held it for a while. To my astonishment, I looked closely at the walls of the pit, and there were a number of ropes all around it. I looked up and at the other end of each rope was someone I loved and who loved me! I broke into tears at that recognition-..tears of joy and appreciation for my community of friends and family.
There have been many studies that conclude that recovery from emotional stress and physical illness is much more rapid and lasting with the support of others. We're not meant to live alone and in isolation.
"We were born to unite with our fellow men, and to join in community with the human race." - Cicero
"Hear me, four quarters of the world - a relative I am! Give me the strength to walk the soft earth, a relative to all that is! Give me the eyes to see and the strength to understand, that I may be like you. With your power only can I face the winds." -Black Elk (1863-1950) Oglala Sioux holy man
I'm not reclusive, but I do enjoy solitude from time to time, although I've also realized the tremendous importance and value of community. Not just Internet communication, but real live people-family and friends, and those whom I've met along the road while teaching-come to mind when I think of deep communal connections. It starts with my kids, their children, parents, nephews, nieces, cousins, and others in my extended family. Then there's my family of friends, some of whom I've known for many years. Among them are elders, peers, children, and teenagers. I feel truly blessed and privileged to know those I love and to also know that they love me.
At one point when I was writing this book, deadline looming, my adult niece Debbie called to see if I wanted to go to the beach with her and her daughters. At the time, I was completely focused on writing and had been glued to my computer for much of the past few days. When the call came, I had some initial reluctance, thinking that I should be working on the book. However, I'd developed an even stronger bond with each of Debbie's girls-Jordan, 12; Sydney, 8; and Paris, 6-since their mother and father had split up several months prior.
I said yes, and we spent a couple of hours together at the beach and then went to dinner afterward. Needless to say, I didn't get much writing done, but I thoroughly enjoyed the time I had with them. Later that evening the thought occurred to me that on my deathbed, it's very unlikely that I'd be saying, "Gee, I wish I'd spent that day writing rather than hanging out with Debbie and her girls!" I knew I'd made the right choice and also felt a pleasant sense that by being an uncle to them, particularly the children, I supplied something they needed.
In another instance several years ago, when I was emotionally and spiritually in one of those valleys of grief and mild depression, I got this image in my head of being in a pit about 12 feet deep. It was a great metaphor for how I was feeling at the time-isolated, victimized, and with no way out! About a month later I was lying in bed on a Saturday morning, thinking about life, my situation, and just kind of ruminating about this and that. I closed my eyes and called up that image and held it for a while. To my astonishment, I looked closely at the walls of the pit, and there were a number of ropes all around it. I looked up and at the other end of each rope was someone I loved and who loved me! I broke into tears at that recognition-..tears of joy and appreciation for my community of friends and family.
There have been many studies that conclude that recovery from emotional stress and physical illness is much more rapid and lasting with the support of others. We're not meant to live alone and in isolation.
"We were born to unite with our fellow men, and to join in community with the human race." - Cicero
"Hear me, four quarters of the world - a relative I am! Give me the strength to walk the soft earth, a relative to all that is! Give me the eyes to see and the strength to understand, that I may be like you. With your power only can I face the winds." -Black Elk (1863-1950) Oglala Sioux holy man
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