When Things Fall Apart

by Nancy J. Napier


When things fall apart, suddenly we are faced with the fundamental reality that the one constant in life is change, that inevitably things will never remain the same. At these times, we are offered an opportunity to deepen our trust and allow learning to unfold, even as we may also find ourselves faced with an experience of vulnerability and powerlessness.

If we are accustomed to having enough money, losing income and financial stability can bring about not only a crisis of faith, but a need to experience ourselves in a new way. While we were once self-..sufficient and capable of meeting our own needs, suddenly we now must turn to others for help. The shift from being financially secure to financially unstable can be a profound emotional experience, opening up feelings of helplessness that may be new to us. If our sense of who we are in the world is tied to the job we do, the title we carry, the career we have shaped for ourselves, when work fails us we may enter into an identity crisis, a sense of not knowing who we are or what makes us valuable.

Experiences such as these invite us to turn to something less tangible than the ways in which we measure our lives materially. Fundamental to finding peace during times of change is the awareness that to have our lives turned upside down isn’t a sign that we are doing something wrong. Rather, it’s a sign that life is continuing on its natural and inevitable course, creating change, opening us up to new learning and spiritual deepening. If we have a belief in something greater than ourselves, the journey can take us further into our relationship with the divine. At times like these, we are faced with the need to explore our relationship to faith and our willingness to create learning opportunities in whatever experiences life brings our way.

One of the most powerful places of peace, for me, is the still point that’s found between the out-breath and the next in-breath. By learning to travel to the "bottom of the breath" and find the still point that exists within the gap between breaths, we can find a home base that becomes a reliable resting place. For example, take a moment to imagine that within and behind every single thought, feeling, sensation, action, or urge that you have is a fundamental, ever-present, all-enfolding stillness. The stillness is both infinite and intimate—a presence you can "lean into" when you need to re-center yourself or take some time simply to be. Being in the stillness doesn’t mean stopping all your thoughts and feelings. It just means that you have a place where you can find support while upsetting or vulnerable thoughts and feelings move through.

A helpful and empowering state of mind/being is that of "no struggle." A stance of "no struggle" is an active, empowered surrender to what is not in our control, rather than a passive response to helplessness. Whatever life may challenge us with at any given time, when we meet it with no struggle we conserve our energy and awareness for what we can do and allow what we can’t change to move on by. It helps to remember that, just as the good times tend to change, the bad times will, as well. Whatever the crisis, it will eventually shift and become something else. It may take time, and we may have no idea what is coming, but that change will happen is inescapable.