by Dick Sutphen
Most of us want to manipulate and control our circumstances, but these are fear-based emotions. I know I sound like a broken record when it comes to saying we’re here on earth to learn to let go of our fear-based emotions such as prejudice, selfishness, jealousy, envy, blame, repression, greed, the desire to control, and the list goes on and on and on.
The need to manipulate and control is a big fear. And if it applies to you, I suggest that you consider the fact you don’t have to be in control to survive.
You can detach from the conflicts and confusion in your life by simply refusing to try to control the outcome. In the following process, ask yourself each question, and then listen for the first thought that comes up in response.
Do-It-Yourself Control Process
Who are you trying to control in your life at this time? (a mate or lover, your inlaws, friends, boss, associates, etc.)
Why? What do you fear might happen?
What if that did happen? What is the worst it would mean for you?
What if you were to integrate your fear by letting go and allowing circumstances to flow to their logical conclusion?
Which is the growth choice?
Can you give up your expectations? If the other person comes through, great. If they don’t come through, that’s okay too.
Usually, attempts to control are an effort to get someone else to change -- to become what you want them to be. But you can’t change other people. It doesn’t work. Even if you manage to get what you want, it won’t last. The other person will be repressing who they are and no one can do that for long.
In the case of severe conflicts, sometimes the only way to be responsible to yourself is to remove yourself from the environment you find yourself within. But if you’re going to stick around, what do you have to lose by just mentally standing over in the corner and observing?
Most of us want to manipulate and control our circumstances, but these are fear-based emotions. I know I sound like a broken record when it comes to saying we’re here on earth to learn to let go of our fear-based emotions such as prejudice, selfishness, jealousy, envy, blame, repression, greed, the desire to control, and the list goes on and on and on.
The need to manipulate and control is a big fear. And if it applies to you, I suggest that you consider the fact you don’t have to be in control to survive.
You can detach from the conflicts and confusion in your life by simply refusing to try to control the outcome. In the following process, ask yourself each question, and then listen for the first thought that comes up in response.
Do-It-Yourself Control Process
Who are you trying to control in your life at this time? (a mate or lover, your inlaws, friends, boss, associates, etc.)
Why? What do you fear might happen?
What if that did happen? What is the worst it would mean for you?
What if you were to integrate your fear by letting go and allowing circumstances to flow to their logical conclusion?
Which is the growth choice?
Can you give up your expectations? If the other person comes through, great. If they don’t come through, that’s okay too.
Usually, attempts to control are an effort to get someone else to change -- to become what you want them to be. But you can’t change other people. It doesn’t work. Even if you manage to get what you want, it won’t last. The other person will be repressing who they are and no one can do that for long.
In the case of severe conflicts, sometimes the only way to be responsible to yourself is to remove yourself from the environment you find yourself within. But if you’re going to stick around, what do you have to lose by just mentally standing over in the corner and observing?
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